Farts

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I seem to be running out of ideas for my poem subjects
So I’m digging real deep and some people may object
To a poem about different types of farts and their rippers.
I hope you all will not be angry at my old fart add-libbers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Farts

 

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By the time you get to the age of 72, you’re an expert on farts.
You know their name and can tell the type when they first start.
The “Squaller” starts out soft then works to a very loud squall.
The ripper is sitting on a hard wooden surface that amplifies it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Silent But Deadly” is often referred to as the “SBD”,
The ripper is sneaky trying hard to let out the fart real easily.
As the deadly smell hits, the ripper will look up at the ceiling
With an innocent smile, as our noses are blistered and pealing.

 

Did someone feed Scout chocolate again?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Squeaker” results from the ripper trying hard to hold it in.
It results in a long squeaking sound as it slips from deep within.
A squeaker ripper usually moves away rapidly to shift the blame.
The squeaker often lasts 5 seconds and getting away is the game.

 

Who me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Popper” often occurs when the legs are squeezed very close
Like when you are driving a car, and the release path is closed.
The pressure rises until the legs inner skin let’s go with a  pop.
There’s no hiding this and people in the cars mouths do drop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Machine Gun” results as gas comes out in small blasts
Resulting in a blap blap blap blap sound as long as it lasts.
The ripper is usually only moderately pressured up inside,
So as the ripper let’s it out, his anis opening flaps to abide.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Faaarap” is a fart usually ripped by healthy old men.
They’ll rip it anytime and anywhere on that you can depend.
They’ve gotten to the age that they just don’t care any more
Who hears that Faaarap, whether they’re outside or indoors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Poot” is just a real small toot ripped by the nice ladies.
They try to make it sound soft and sweet so that just maybe
No one will hear it so they can go completely unnoticed,
But sometimes they smell awful burning our little noses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Baaaroof” is a big fart often resulting from eating beans.
The ripper expels a lot of gas right through their blue jeans.
The Baaaroof is perhaps the worst smelling fart of them all
It can be completely avoided by not eating beans, it’s your call.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The ” Squirrrt” results when the fart is just a little bit wet.
Sometimes bad food can upset us and make us regret,
That we ate week old pizza from the back of our refrigerator.
It may result in underwear fouling and teasing by agitators.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The “Hisser” comes out only slightly disturbing the scene.
It sounds like a snake hissing at a human he has just seen.
The Hisser is prominent in old ladies trying to reduce the sound.
These may be stinkers but usually no smell at all is found.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Now you have the lowdown on some different kinds of farts.
As we all have to expel our internal gas when gas pains start.
You should spent some time working on the types listed herein
And enjoy this mandatory activity that comes from deep within.

 

 

 

 

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By Bill

 

 

 

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Thanks for reading Farts again,
Bill