Hemorrhoids

There are somethings people normally don’t like to talk about too much. I have found that when you use a certain greeting statement when you meet your friends, it makes everyone happy and opens discussions to that area people normally avoid. Here’s the story.

Hemorrhoids

 

A wise man once told me that a very good greeting for people you know was….”Hello, how’s your hemorrhoids…..” He said if they really had hemorrhoids, they would be happy you were concerned enough to ask about them, and if they didn’t have them, they were happy they haven’t have to suffer from the pain. If they had had them before, but didn’t have the now, they were happy to be cured. Often people who had hemorrhoids before would strike out a conversation about their experiences. So with this opener, you made people happy no matter what their experience had been.

 

So for years when I saw my friends, I said “…Hello, how’s your hemorrhoids.” I guess they must have been impressed by the success of the opener since many of them started using it on me. I guess you could say I started a somewhat of a tradition. So don’t be surprised to hear this greeting from some of your friends in the future.

 

I heard a lot of stories from friends who had previously suffered from you know what. Old Fred said he had about a 3 inch chunk of liver the doctor sliced off of him. The doctor sliced it off and dropped it one of those stainless steel pans saying that was the largest hemorrhoid he had ever removed.

 

Brenda told me her Doctor told her she had the worst case of hemorrhoids he had ever seen before he began slicing and dicing on her. This makes me pucker up just thinking about it.

 

Chad had a bad case of hemorrhoids at age 28 that he called a turtlehead. He was able to cure his with medications, so he was able to get by without the dreaded scalpel.

 

You would be surprised how any of your friends have suffered from the the big H. I personally have never had hemorrhoids for which I am indeed thankful. I have found that when you use the above mentioned greeting that you get some unusual gifts. On one occasional, I received a tube of Preparation H, and on another I received a hemorrhoid donut pillow to sit on.

 

I will leave you with just one thought. When you read on the pot, you’re putting a lot of strain on the area where hemorrhoids form, so limit yourself to ten minutes maximum. This has worked well for me over the years.

 

Is this a chicken liver or a large hemorrhoid. You be the judge.

Thanks for reading Hemorrhoids,
Hawg Jaw Bill