My Colonoscopy
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I let my family Doctor talk me into having a colonoscopy,
As she said it was possible things were growing in me.
I reluctantly agreed to take that test she talked me into,
Not knowing what was in store, before I was through.
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My Colonoscopy
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My doctor prescribed me some kind of medicine to take,
Telling me to take it the evening before the testing date.
She said it would clean me out so inside they could see,
If there were any polyps growing there inside of me.
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I bought that medicine and took it on down real quick,
Within an hour I was running to the bathroom feeling sick.
I barely made it to the pot and squirted for a long while,
Then got up and laid down on the bed feeling so vile.
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In a few minutes, I felt a rumbling in my stomach begin,
And I headed for the bathroom pot quickly once again.
The stuff inside me poured out just like water so nasty,
Just squirting out so fast from the pressure inside me.
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I laid down there on the bed a while feeling just like hell,
With that rumbling again in my stomach, I started to swell,
So l hit the pot running as fast as I could on that floor,
And sat there on the pot squirting fifteen minutes more.
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I repeated this procedure three or four more times until,
There was nothing left there inside me but my own good will.
I tossed and turned the rest of the night feeling so bad,
With a very raw asshole on this old wrinkled granddad.
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In the morning I felt like I was about to starve to death,
But I couldn’t eat anything before I reported for the test.
So I just got up, dressed and then we headed on in,
To the St John’s Hospital for my colonoscopy to begin.
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They told me to take off my clothes after the door shut,
I put on a gown that was too small exposing all of my butt.
Then they showed me a 1/2 inch tube with a lens of glass,
That was hooked to a TV so they could see inside my ass.
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They laid me down on my side on a stainless steel table
That was very hard and cold making me feel unstable.
I asked if they would put me out while they looked inside,
They told me no, but they would numb my ass for the ride.
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As they stuck that tube and lens deep inside my asshole,
It felt more like they had penetrated me with a flag pole,
There was no pain, but it was very uncomfortable for me,
As I laid there in misery while they did that colonoscopy.
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They told me they saw three polyps inside my big cavity,
And they wanted to sample the biggest for malignancy,
The tube was fitted with clippers so they cut off a piece,
And I felt a stinging inside as they sliced me like cheese.
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Then they pulled that tube right out of my very sore anus,
And collected that chunk of meat they took inside my ass.
It was a full month before the cancer results came in,
And they said everything looked great as the test did end.
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I was sorry I let my doctor talk me into that colonoscopy,
As I was feeling so good without that tube inside of me.
Perhaps it is best to know everything is good inside there,
But it’s a real nasty test that I really did hate, I do so swear.
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Last week I was in to see my doctor and she did ask me,
“How long has it been since you last had a colonoscopy?”
I said ” it’s been about a year since they last did test me.”
Knowing well it was six years since that tube I did see.
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I said “I eat hot jalapeños so nothing will grow in there,”
She smiled, laughed out loud, and said “okay”, I do swear.
So I delayed that test for old farts without hardly trying,
And walked out of her office happy instead of crying.
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By Bill
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Thanks for reading My Colonoscopy,
Bill