Gas Flares

High school boys will try any thing that is a little different or out of the ordinary. When we discovered that ordinary farts could be a source of entertainment, we investigated this phenomena to the fullest extent possible. Here’s the story.  (Do not try this at home)***

Gas Flares

Once the high school boys discovered human farts were flammable at Phillips high school, the  word spread fast. I went home and and figured out how to get in the optimal position first. Once I had done this, I got some matches and waited until I could work up a fart. When the pressure built enough for a forceable release, I turned the lights out, got into the position, and lit the match then let it rip. Sure enough a flame shot out about four inches as the gas was expelled. It was true, farts were flammable.   This peaked my curiosity, so I decided to try it with just underwear on. So I went through the ritual again and this time I had a full 6 inch flame on the release. I thought that was pretty cool. I thought about trying lighting a fart in the raw, but I just didn’t have enough guts to try that. I heard a story at school that a kid named Tommy had tried lighting a fart naked at a sleep over with some of his buddies. They said he had burned all the hair off the area around his anus and blistered his sphincter. I thought,… “Man, I’m glad I didn’t try that.”

 

About a week or so later, we were over at my aunts house for supper and they were having brown beans with the meal. I talked to my cousins, Scott and Ricky, about the experimenting I had done and we decided to give it a whirl that evening. We all loaded up on beans and just hung around until we could feel that rumble of gas deep in our stomachs. Then we headed for their bedroom and stripped to our underwear and the fireworks began. We were getting 8 to 10 inch flames with the bean farts. I think Scott finally hit a 1 footer and we decided to shut it down and expel the rest of our gas the usual way. By the way, burnt farts don’t smell too good either.

We must have been really bored to try this

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Sometimes I wonder if kids today try some of the stupid stuff we did when we were kids and the answer is always…. Of course they do!  I highly recommend that no one out there try this with out a fireman on the scene.***. It is a fire hazard and we were fortunate we did not start a fire.

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Thanks for reading Gas Flares, Hawg Jaw Bill

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*** Note that injury or death could result from lighting farts, do not try this as it is extremely dangerous.